I realise I'm not the most PR-friendly of the mummy bloggers. I swear too much. I drink. I probably won't endorse your product in the manner that you'd hoped, especially if it's a bit shit. I definitely won't casually pose with your product on the beach and pretend to have stumbled upon it in a curious happenstance. I hate that shit.
With that in mind, it's probably easier to make a list of the products/services that I will endorse:
- Alcohol (not gin but, it makes me cry)
- Holidays (five-star and above, please)
- Converse (cos I need a new pair)
- All Saints clothing (jeans, bro)
- Sweary t-shirts (that one's for my husband)
I'll also happily put up ads on my website, but you'll have to show me how, 'cos I haven't got a fucking clue. Someone asked me to put a 'badge' on my blog once; I thought they were talking about the old Bros one I used to wear on my braces (trousers, not teeth).
I'm also WELL UP for writing a daily/weekly column in a respected publication that isn't The Daily Mail. Editors! Get in touch! I reckon I'd increase your readership by AT LEAST five.
I'm writing a book, too. It's a work of funny-as-fuck fiction (new genre). I'm currently TWO CHAPTERS in. If you'd like to pay me to finish it, you are more than welcome to do so.
Finally! (THIS IS THE BIG ONE.) Get me on Gogglebox. Someone, somewhere has to get us (as a family) on Gogglebox. This is basically what I was born to do. Make this happen. I PROMISE not to be inadvertently racist, sexist or generally offensive. Okay?
That's it! If you don't fancy any of the above, but you'd still like to send me money, sweets and bottles of Pepperjack shiraz, that's cool too. You can email me at email@example.com
Wait! There's one more thing. In my real, grown-up life, I'm a proper, grown-up journalist and copywriter and editor. A really fucking good one! I write about parenting and homes and interiors and even fucking MINING, if you pay me enough. I write good websites. If you would like me to write or edit your words, hit me up at Post Script Writing and Editing, or firstname.lastname@example.org
Love you, bye!